i tink i ve difficulty in breathing. its so obvious tt my dad is trying to get me out of church slowly. the little little movements he does is so irritating. he asked me questions tt made me speechless. sometimes i feel this is so unfair. ppl can ve e choice to see if they wan to attend church. but they choose not to. n wad abt me? i desperately wan to do so but i ve to depend on e decision of my parents. i love my parents tt's y i dun often wan to go against them cuz of my religion. but e fact is, i love my God even more. its a win-lost situation. i ve no idea how to make it a win-win one. in fact, its so tiring at times. i couldnt accept e fact tt my dad once told me "i really wish to see u happy" but look, its such a irony. wish to see me happy by restricting me to pursude wad i really wan in my life? at times, i dun get it. i dunnoe wad he is thinking n he often see me as a "bad" girl. he is so dominating. even my bro carn take it at times. i noe he loves me n he cares for me. it hurts him if i get into any trouble. but it hurts me even more by knowing tt i carn run after what i want. i ve been fighting too long for this battle. failures came more den victory. many times i felt so disheartened but i still look up to God n tell him i really need to fight on. but right now, i dun even noe where im standing. i dun wan to give in as well. i just need e strength to carry on fighting. it isnt e time to give up yet. n i shldnt even think of giving up.

daddy, just grant me the strength, its so tiring....