look. i stopped working on friday. n im still happie over with tt. gee. but one thing for sure. im not ALLOWED to go shopping for 2 whole weeks. was actually telling jas i wont but now its im
not allowed. dad took my card away from me. n im so upset! but i guess its smt good. at least i
get to save. im spending more den i got paid. n today's sermon was actually abt offerings. n its reali reali apporiate.was tinking real hard. throughout e whole sermon, after church, during lunch, on my way home. i guess i reali need to do smt on how im spending my money. i buy tt stuff n den i soon regret. i bought this tube for 30 bucks n now im regretting. i bought a top from zara. n now. i hate it! i reali feel bad knowing tt church really need money for e different ministries n here i am wasting few hundreds over bucks on nuts. when i can give a lil more to help. yes, i might not be able to give much. but God was telling me tt a lil do help ALOT. i guess i reali need to re-commit myself. n i reali need assurance.

i guess i noe wad i wan already. i ve too many things to commit to. God.church.family.gb.friends. i need to be accountable to each n everyone of em. but how much can i reali take up? i noe i can do all things with God. but i seriously hope i can just take things step by step. im not going to hand up e post sec form. cuz i noe i reali carn go down every friday for GB. n futhermore my time-table isnt out. i wouldnt noe if my fridays are free from all my lectures n tutorials. n i tink i wan to try out smt new. n if i reali wan to serve gb again. i can always write in to GB hq to request to be a GB officer anytime. n maybe i get to go back to28th coy again. yea. i guess this is going to be my decision. n jo was telling me tt i need to head down to GB hq every saturday for some stuff. i seriously carn afford to give up my saturdays. its cg time. n i wont wan to miss it. u might think these reasons arint practical at all. but i will take my leave after atc camp. n i believe e rest of e JOs will actually do wad we want e girls to achieve n i noe i can just put my heart at rest cuz every JO is capable of doing anything since our faith in God is real strong. amen.

was talking to angela when she suddenly pop e question.
"are u distacted by anything recently?"
yes. its so so sudden. but i guess she seems to noe wad im facing. i do admit i ve not walk closely with God this whole week even with e fact tt i talked to him, prayed so hard so hard each time. but i noe my faith for myself n God is falling. i did not want to admit tt. i tot i ve this strong faith in God. but come to think of it, if i reali do. i wont be so distracted by wad had happened. yes, i was so selfish. but i reali din noe i was until angela talked to me. yes, i commited everything to God. i place every single thing of mine onto e altar but just not tt matter. i guess i took it all upon myself. i noe i did say i committed it to God. but somehow i took it back from him each time i finished a prayer. it seems lyk i did it all in vain. n i reali do feel bad cuz i ve not keep on eyes on God. i failed to focus my eyes on him instead, i let temptations and distractions came into me n i got blown away by em leaving God all alone. i din wan tt to happen. i just need to learn to focus more n God n God alone. i guess i noe wad i reali wan to give up already.

daddy,
im so sorry. knowing tt u are always here for me. knowing tt u are u are always beside me but i failed to take notice. i failed to focus on u. i allowed temptations n distractions to come into my life n took me away from u. i noe i was reali selfish to keep tt thing to myself. i din even wan to share it with anyone. not a single one of em. but i noe i wont be able to hold for long. i failed to seek ur face. i failed to turn to u in pt of troubles. i just failed in being ur follower. Lord, i wan to seek for ur forgiveness n yes, i truely wan to let u noe tt i still love u alot alot. n im reali feeling thirsty and hungry for u. im desperate for ur touch. lord, i wan to re-commit myself, come into my life again n bring hope n faith n definately more of u. lord, i wan my love to go on fire for u, just u alone. as this week comes to an end n a new week tt's apporaching, i pray tt u make me focus on u, just you alone. let me know tt ur love never fails for me. thank you daddy!
im falling in love with u just over n over again.
amen.

let's us keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy sets before him endured e cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
consider him who endures such opposition from sinful men, so that u will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:2-3