i saw my time-table. im happy abt it. cuz like who else on earth get such beautiful time-table? ending at 4pm for my latest timing. im like celebrating for myself over dinner table. kept telling myself tt i need to contain tt excitment in me. seriously, dun ask me y m i so excited abt my time-table. i just tink they are good and im fine with em! haha. aniway, i wan to blog abt alot of things. as in really ALOT. oh yea. i went home with melvin after YF conference yesterday and i was dead shagged but he was like real hyper kept talking to me non-stop and today tt boy surprise me by telling me he is sincere abt being an everyday christian. im so proud of him and God's grace has been on our cg. n i see that there's more to come.
i myself know tt i arint an everyday christian. and its difficult in being a real one. but yesterday God spoke to me and said its possible if i turn everything to him. once i reached home last night i was thinking school is starting soon, will mum stop me going to cg or yf conference from now onwards? are there going to be more restrictions on my commitments to church? i felt really hopeless. i tink that God has many many beautiful plans for my right now. he has in mind wad he wants me to do but just restrictions have to come into e picture which is so outta place. ppl in church told me to treat it as a trial. just another trial to go through and i will ve a much stronger relationship with God. i truely agree to it but yesterday i was so tired both mentally and physically. i just feel like forsaking e whole world, even God, when i noe he was there right beside me. i choose to give up on him when its only e start. i ve no idea how much strength i will ve to cont. walking through this trial with God. i wont denial e fact that im being selfish here. i wish i was borned into a christian family. i wish my parents would just give me tt lil freedom in my religious believe. there's so many i wish that im telling God here. but how much of e i wish will become reality instantly?

daddy,
im sorrie to be so selfish right here. i noe that there are many i wish that u carn give it to me instantly but i really do not ve tt spiritual strength in me anymore. e times i got persecuted, e times i go mad cuz of my parent's objections to Christ really drained off all my energy to run after u. im not mad at u for putting me through this. im not blaming u at all but instead im learning to give thanks to u for letting me learn how to grow stronger in u everyday. Lord, i ask for e spiritual craving that i used to ve in u, i wan it all back again. i wan tt energy to cont. running after u no matter how much trials u gonna put me through, im willing to go through becuz i noe u are right at e final pt waiting for me. i give thanks for that daddy and i love u dearly. i promise that e word forsaken Christ will be off from my dictionary. thank you daddy for giving me endless chances to repent.
amen.